Liliana

“how can you still have feelings for me and not want to be with me? He’s the one that broke up with me!”  -Boy Meets World

“I miss her, i miss how she made me feel, i miss the fact that i can tell her things that no one else understands not even Cory…i can’t tell her that…” - boy meets world

sometimes i wonder if you can truly believe someone. i believe you…i think, i just have the hardest time understanding you. it’s no surprise your gone once again. 

many people tell me the things i do wrong. I know when i do something wrong. i choose to continue doing it though because it makes me feel better. at least i tell myself it does. I know its a lie but i continue lying to myself thinking it’ll do no harm. But you came and told me your disappointed. told me your respect for me has lowered and suddenly it clicked. =( 

many people tell me the things i do wrong. I know when i do something wrong. i choose to continue doing it though because it makes me feel better. at least i tell myself it does. I know its a lie but i continue lying to myself thinking it’ll do no harm. But you came and told me your disappointed. told me your respect for me has lowered and suddenly it clicked. =( 

i know how i feel about you, i know how you are, that’s why i feel like we can never work out. Yet here i am willing to try again knowing there is no way you can truly make me happy. 

day 3

-nothing. no contact

day 4

-no contact. i’m pretty sure there might not be. i’m kind of scare about tomorrow. idk if i should ask, or text him about tomorrow or even get up and dressed. i’m nervous he might not even show. I don’t want to tell my parents about going and him not showing up or showing up late. he asked me to give him a chance but i’m just scared. 

i remember bitching and you not caring. It did not matter if tears were running down my cheeks. It did not matter that I was drunk or tipsy. It did not matter that you were right next to me. You ignored me all the same and yelled at me for complaining. For letting out repressed feelings. For finally telling you how i really feel. That made it even worst and all i did was lie there and silently cry. Of course i had yelled back at first but after a point i realized you just did not care and yet somehow i laid there next to you. I also stood by you for about another 6 months. 

three times i’ve been told i deserve better from three different guys. Some meant more than others, but they all hurt. Each time i thought i couldn’t deserve better, i did not need better i was happy despite if it really existed. But when i think about i really did find better with each one. for different reasons i miss them all. but in the end, each one was right, i do deserve better and i did find it and will continue finding it. i just need time and i need to remain calm and not jump into things. I been moving forward without realizing it, i just have to keep doing the same. I just dislike the process of finding this better guy. 

Hearing them say you deserve better angers me, because my thought is why can’t you be better. why does it have to be someone else. Why aren’t you willing to go that extra mile for me the way i would for you. And then i realize how much i am worth to them and its just easier for them to leave than deal with it because i am not worth it, at least to them. One can argue and say they have your best interest you should be thankful, but when it comes down to it, it just mean they are coward and their feelings for you just are not strong enough to overcome the obstacles.  

runawaytrain:

Its almost been two weeks and i cant find myself to fall asleep at a normal time. This is ridiculous, I thought it was because of the break and the stress and now i feel better yet i cant seem to fall asleep. sigh. I really hope my sleeping schedule will change.